And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
