She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
