She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
