Where is the hickey?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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