I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
