well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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