Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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