hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
