Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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