she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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