Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize