You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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