You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
