nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you traded sex for a burrito?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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