I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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