can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
