I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
