Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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