Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
