I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
