Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the day after is always just damage control
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize