JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
