If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
