Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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