so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
