If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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