YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
