I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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