you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
