im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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