did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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