I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize