BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
