i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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