I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
