hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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