i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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