my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
