Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
