i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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