i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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