Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
