just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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