grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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