So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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