can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
