dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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