I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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