Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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