Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I forget how to act sober
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