wrigley field is MILF paradise
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
