I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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