So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
