Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will pee on everything he values.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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