Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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