I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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