Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
