Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
