So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
