So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
