"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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