last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize