I hate all girls vehemently.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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