69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
