I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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