I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
