i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
