alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
