I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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