She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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