I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
