Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
