Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
