Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
