I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
