Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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