He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you had me at cake vodka
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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