I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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