So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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