He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
