We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
